The Little Feminist

I strongly believe in the importance of men and women's complementary biblical roles, I find it frustrating that society no longer respects those roles, and one of my deepest desires is to be what the Word says a woman of God should be. I would call myself a staunch anti-feminist. And though I could explain to you what God says about femininity and womanhood, and tell you all the ways I would like to apply those things to my life, lurking inside me(in a not-so-very well- hidden spot) is a foreboding and unwanted personage. She hates submission. She is impatient and disrespectful. She is opinionated and mouthy. She often thinks she could handle things much better than all the men out there combined. And she wears pant suits. She, my friends, is the Little Feminist. (Okay, so the pant suits aren't absolutely necessary.)

This inner "feminist" is simply a manifestation of the sinful nature that we are all born with. It is the rebellious nature that balks at submission, and refuses to show respect to certain men in my life. It hinders every aspect of my journey to becoming a biblical woman of God, from the specific call to women to submit to fathers and husbands and cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, to more general areas like showing forgiveness and patience. One can proclaim to be an anti-feminist, yet still have this small, but powerful figure controlling much of the way they live.

It is my belief that growth toward biblical femininity is largely impossible until the Little Feminist is acknowledged. This means recognizing that ugly part of you that does all the things you don't believe you should do, and only does the things you do believe you should do when she's not feeling particularly mulish. In their book So Much More, authors Anna Sofia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin point out,

"We direct our rebellion at God through our rebellion to men. This means that all women are rebellious feminists at heart. Without God's help, it is impossible to overcome our stubborn rebellion. Before we can expect any fruitful results in our society, we must first work toward results in our own hearts, starting with repentance and humility, asking God to help us fight our flesh."

This process will not be effortless, but it will be worth it. It will include prayerfully examining our lives to identify the ways in which we are allowing our rebellious natures to keep us from becoming the women God wants us to be, and repenting. It may involve initiating a discussion with the male authority in our lives about our desire to change some of the ways we relate to them. Then by cheerfully being their helpers, we can begin aiding(rather than hindering) them in fulfilling their God-ordained role as leaders. Finally, we need to go on to learn more about God's design for womanhood. Until we know what God wants from us, we cannot experience the joy and fulfillment He has for us in doing His will. Some great verses to get you started are Proverbs 31:10-31, Ephesians 5:23, 1 Corinthians 11:3, and 1 Timothy 2:12-13. May God bless all of you ladies as you seek to be conformed to God's will!

visionarydaughters.com

And she's off!

Yesterday I officially began training for the Parkersburg News and Sentinel Half Marathon. I went for 35 minutes, walking half a lap for every lap I ran, and ended up covering 2 miles altogether. Whenever I sit somewhere for awhile, then get up, my hips are way sore. Hips=those things that women always talk about that I thought I didn't have. I have 'em. Today's a rest day. :-)

20 Things I Love To Do

I read this blog that said you should make a list of twenty things you love to do, and that you should make sure you do those things to help achieve happiness in your life.

20 Things I Love To Do
Have a movie night with Mom
Fix and serve someone a meal
Cuddle with Rob
Read Christian non-fiction books
Pray outside
Write persuasive articles for my blog
Dance to music
Play with little kids
Think
Write poetry
Talking to Rob on IM
Get dressed up in a cute outfit
Listen to Christian music
Play tennis
Learn about a topic
Surprise people
Eat ice cream outside
Spend the night at Grandma's house
Praise God somewhere like Creation Fest
Hit a tennis ball against the wall

Been Writing

This is just something I wrote just now, and while I don't think it's awesome, I wanted to post it to feel like I had appropriately expressed myself. Sadly, I don't have a blog that *no one* reads. haha

Wistful melodies
float softly o'er to me,
and my pensive heart has learned
to declare love willingly.
I long for something sure,
not some fleeting nighttime dream,
I've had this tendency to jump
into any alien sea.
My frozen legs would stiffen
if move, they knew they should,
and my heart whispers, "Sweet love
is so good. It is so good."

Looking to the Bible In Our Search For Love

There is an area of life in which Western Christians often unquestioningly accept the world's standards and practices. There are times when I wonder how it is that more people don't find issue with these practices, but at the same time, realize that even I illustrate this acceptance as I have adopted the principles and practices I so strongly question. The area I'm talking about is dating. As Christians, we believe that God created marriage and that it is a sacred institution, meant to last for life. Christians teachers and leaders are quick to emphasize faithfulness within marriage, and sexual abstinence without. There are at least a couple of problems with limiting our concern to these issues alone. First, merely remaining sexually abstinent doesn't protect individuals who give their hearts away time and time again. Second, modern dating makes light of the sacred intimacy of the marriage union.

"Emotional promiscuity" can result from being in multiple relationships(short or long-term) over a period of time or even from developing some degree of emotional intimacy with multiple people you do not have relationships with. The more involved I have become in our culture's dating practices, the more inadequate I feel they are. I have experienced intense emotional intimacy in my current relationship. I have also thought about whether or not the relationship will last and result in marriage. The idea that it may not has sometimes given me a sense of crippling fear. This fear is accompanied by the feeling that, after all I have given away to the couple of people I have had strong feelings for, I may have nothing left to give to someone else. Broken hearts are a by-product of our dating culture. We know people who are broken-hearted and we have probably been broken-hearted ourselves. But often we do not realize that continuosly experiencing this emotionally damaging state is harmful and unnecessary.

Apart from the emotional scarring caused, going through multiple emotionally intimate relationships before finding someone to marry doesn't line up with the biblical principle that romance is intended for marriage. If we believe that romance is a sacred gift from God, how can we then toss this gift around so freely? Mark 10:6-9 says, "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." The relationship that God intended for men and women was marriage. Dating can often become a self-indulgent game, but we must remember God's purpose for romance.

It may seem like dating has been around forever, but in reality the origin of dating came about only in the late 1800s or early 1900s. There is a movement among some Christians to re-embrace the principles behind "courtship," in which a man and a woman would get to know eachother with potential marriage as the purpose. Courtship is based on the conviction that God created romance for marriage and that individuals should begin looking for a potential partner only when they are ready to marry in the near future. There is an emphasis on getting to know another person, but romance is saved for when the couple becomes sure that they are moving toward marriage. Then, in the midst of romantic and emotional intimacy within marriage, the individuals are protected because there is the deep conviction that marriage is not something to be given up on or gotten out of. The Christian view of romantic love was excellently portrayed in the new movie Fireproof. In the midst of anger and the absence of strong feelings of love, a couple realizes that to love someone is a conscious choice. There is pleasure in the feeling of being "in love," but our society often mistakes immature infatuation for love. While real love does bring feelings of closeness and pleasure, we are expected to continue loving even when these feelings are not present. (1 Cor 13:7)

As Christians, we need to rethink the way we are pursuing relationships and move away from the world's formula for love. It is no wonder that the divorce rate is the same among Christians as non-Christians, when we are aligning our beliefs and practices about love and relationships so closely with the world's. We would be wise to question the practices we have become so accustomed to, and to seek God's will as we reconsider passing our scarred hearts from person to person. If something in our culture does not line up with biblical teachings and wisdom, we have a responsibility to move away from it. This will not always be easy, but it is our calling as children of God. If we were to fully allow God into this area, think how powerfully He could move in our relationships and our lives.

Artistic Madness

Aaaaagh! So I tried to make a collage, and it was completely overwhelming. I made one in high school on the theme of Christmas and it looked awesome. I picked a piece of board that was too big, I picked a theme that was too abstract, and I've been at this for...I don't know, five or six hours maybe. I am saddened, and the kitchen has been overtaken. It's really too bad I couldn't have quit about two or three hours ago because based on how I feel right now, it wouldn't be too surprising if I never had the desire to make another collage. I'm going to bed.

I am overwhelmed by the topics I would like to blog about, which is why I have blogged about nothing. Maybe if I wasn't so busy reading stuff for Earth Science and Reading Diagnosis, I would have time to do that.

hurting

Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.

- Kahlil Gibran

Thoughts on Vulnerability

I'm on the chapter called "Daughters and a Father's Roof" in So Much More. I actually haven't read it for a couple days, but I read two-and-a-half chapters today. When I get into the book, it really intrigues me. I find it interesting that, though I knew to a degree that relationships were biblically important, I have been imagining future Kalina as being very independent for a very long time. Really, I have had no practice in meaningful, dependent relationships. Sometime in the past several months, I thought about it all and confirmed that I didn't need anyone. I admitted to myself that I sort of needed my mom, but that was about it. I am beginning to see dependence as something to be desired. In my "there's no one I would die without" thinking, I was missing the point. God doesn't want us to live our lives alone and independent of others. I am wary of this vulnerability at times, but I think it is okay to be careful about whom we become dependent on and vulnerable to. I want to see the kind of relationships God made me for in my life, especially in my family.

-I get the feeling that I talk about all this to Rob too much, so I countered this by blogging about it in a blog that I think only he reads?...hmm. Well, I tried.