I'm on the chapter called "Daughters and a Father's Roof" in So Much More. I actually haven't read it for a couple days, but I read two-and-a-half chapters today. When I get into the book, it really intrigues me. I find it interesting that, though I knew to a degree that relationships were biblically important, I have been imagining future Kalina as being very independent for a very long time. Really, I have had no practice in meaningful, dependent relationships. Sometime in the past several months, I thought about it all and confirmed that I didn't need anyone. I admitted to myself that I sort of needed my mom, but that was about it. I am beginning to see dependence as something to be desired. In my "there's no one I would die without" thinking, I was missing the point. God doesn't want us to live our lives alone and independent of others. I am wary of this vulnerability at times, but I think it is okay to be careful about whom we become dependent on and vulnerable to. I want to see the kind of relationships God made me for in my life, especially in my family.
-I get the feeling that I talk about all this to Rob too much, so I countered this by blogging about it in a blog that I think only he reads?...hmm. Well, I tried.
Friday, January 2, 2009
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hahaha, Well, that's ok. I like seeing things in blog form sometimes. I am ok with this notion. God made us social people for a reason. Can we live on our own? Yes, we can. Is it easy? Of course not. There have been people that have gone mad in solitary situations. We are meant to be together, we meant to be dependent on one another. Actually, there's some things about this in The Sermon on the Mount, and it's talked about in the Divine Conspiracy. Also, Shane Claiborne talks about man's need for others in both of his books.
When you were all about not needing other people (and yes, I did kind of take that as not needing me as well, which reading this that is truth) I was bothered not just because I feel I need you, and want to need you more. But because I just don't think that's how God meant us to be. When I was atheist I thought vaguely about maybe at some distant point in the future wanting a family of my own, but it was always overtaken my wanting to get all of my selfish independence out of the way first. And considering my major goals back then, that would have taken a lifetime of unfulfilling and unGodly behavior.
Only since coming to Jesus and discovery the real beauty of the world have I come to want marriage and kids, not as selfish conquest, but truly and deeply in my heart needing those connections in my life. So, when you were in independence mode it always bothered me. No, I don't know the Word backwards and forwards, but I knew at least instinctively that my new dreams where God inspired (not in the creepy way) because I was beginning to see the world through the new eyes He gives the saved.
So yes, I think God means for us to be dependent. I think for most all people this is the only way to earthly happiness. And yes, I think this is what God wants for us.
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