Looking to the Bible In Our Search For Love

There is an area of life in which Western Christians often unquestioningly accept the world's standards and practices. There are times when I wonder how it is that more people don't find issue with these practices, but at the same time, realize that even I illustrate this acceptance as I have adopted the principles and practices I so strongly question. The area I'm talking about is dating. As Christians, we believe that God created marriage and that it is a sacred institution, meant to last for life. Christians teachers and leaders are quick to emphasize faithfulness within marriage, and sexual abstinence without. There are at least a couple of problems with limiting our concern to these issues alone. First, merely remaining sexually abstinent doesn't protect individuals who give their hearts away time and time again. Second, modern dating makes light of the sacred intimacy of the marriage union.

"Emotional promiscuity" can result from being in multiple relationships(short or long-term) over a period of time or even from developing some degree of emotional intimacy with multiple people you do not have relationships with. The more involved I have become in our culture's dating practices, the more inadequate I feel they are. I have experienced intense emotional intimacy in my current relationship. I have also thought about whether or not the relationship will last and result in marriage. The idea that it may not has sometimes given me a sense of crippling fear. This fear is accompanied by the feeling that, after all I have given away to the couple of people I have had strong feelings for, I may have nothing left to give to someone else. Broken hearts are a by-product of our dating culture. We know people who are broken-hearted and we have probably been broken-hearted ourselves. But often we do not realize that continuosly experiencing this emotionally damaging state is harmful and unnecessary.

Apart from the emotional scarring caused, going through multiple emotionally intimate relationships before finding someone to marry doesn't line up with the biblical principle that romance is intended for marriage. If we believe that romance is a sacred gift from God, how can we then toss this gift around so freely? Mark 10:6-9 says, "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." The relationship that God intended for men and women was marriage. Dating can often become a self-indulgent game, but we must remember God's purpose for romance.

It may seem like dating has been around forever, but in reality the origin of dating came about only in the late 1800s or early 1900s. There is a movement among some Christians to re-embrace the principles behind "courtship," in which a man and a woman would get to know eachother with potential marriage as the purpose. Courtship is based on the conviction that God created romance for marriage and that individuals should begin looking for a potential partner only when they are ready to marry in the near future. There is an emphasis on getting to know another person, but romance is saved for when the couple becomes sure that they are moving toward marriage. Then, in the midst of romantic and emotional intimacy within marriage, the individuals are protected because there is the deep conviction that marriage is not something to be given up on or gotten out of. The Christian view of romantic love was excellently portrayed in the new movie Fireproof. In the midst of anger and the absence of strong feelings of love, a couple realizes that to love someone is a conscious choice. There is pleasure in the feeling of being "in love," but our society often mistakes immature infatuation for love. While real love does bring feelings of closeness and pleasure, we are expected to continue loving even when these feelings are not present. (1 Cor 13:7)

As Christians, we need to rethink the way we are pursuing relationships and move away from the world's formula for love. It is no wonder that the divorce rate is the same among Christians as non-Christians, when we are aligning our beliefs and practices about love and relationships so closely with the world's. We would be wise to question the practices we have become so accustomed to, and to seek God's will as we reconsider passing our scarred hearts from person to person. If something in our culture does not line up with biblical teachings and wisdom, we have a responsibility to move away from it. This will not always be easy, but it is our calling as children of God. If we were to fully allow God into this area, think how powerfully He could move in our relationships and our lives.

Artistic Madness

Aaaaagh! So I tried to make a collage, and it was completely overwhelming. I made one in high school on the theme of Christmas and it looked awesome. I picked a piece of board that was too big, I picked a theme that was too abstract, and I've been at this for...I don't know, five or six hours maybe. I am saddened, and the kitchen has been overtaken. It's really too bad I couldn't have quit about two or three hours ago because based on how I feel right now, it wouldn't be too surprising if I never had the desire to make another collage. I'm going to bed.

I am overwhelmed by the topics I would like to blog about, which is why I have blogged about nothing. Maybe if I wasn't so busy reading stuff for Earth Science and Reading Diagnosis, I would have time to do that.

hurting

Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain.

- Kahlil Gibran

Thoughts on Vulnerability

I'm on the chapter called "Daughters and a Father's Roof" in So Much More. I actually haven't read it for a couple days, but I read two-and-a-half chapters today. When I get into the book, it really intrigues me. I find it interesting that, though I knew to a degree that relationships were biblically important, I have been imagining future Kalina as being very independent for a very long time. Really, I have had no practice in meaningful, dependent relationships. Sometime in the past several months, I thought about it all and confirmed that I didn't need anyone. I admitted to myself that I sort of needed my mom, but that was about it. I am beginning to see dependence as something to be desired. In my "there's no one I would die without" thinking, I was missing the point. God doesn't want us to live our lives alone and independent of others. I am wary of this vulnerability at times, but I think it is okay to be careful about whom we become dependent on and vulnerable to. I want to see the kind of relationships God made me for in my life, especially in my family.

-I get the feeling that I talk about all this to Rob too much, so I countered this by blogging about it in a blog that I think only he reads?...hmm. Well, I tried.

Days 6 & 7 Feelin' Feminine Challenge

Soo...I did wear skirts both yesterday and today, but didn't get pics of either day. And now I'm in my nightgown, so it's too late.

Day 6

I stayed home all day, and it was super warm. We actually beat a record...the hottest for this date since nineteen seventy-something. So I wore a short sleeve tee-shirt(a cute one...haha) and a brown knee-length skirt. I did dusted and cleaned the two bathrooms, played Rock Band, and read. It was a pretty uneventful day.

Day 7

I had an outfit picked out for this morning, but I ended up oversleeping. I woke up at 5 'til 10, and Rob was supposed to pick me up at 10 to go to church. Well, I had to shower and get ready. Then I realized my blouse was missing a button and had to sew one one, which took way longer than it should have(I need to get to work on these homemaking skillz). So we ended up going to the only church we knew of that started at 11. Whoops. Anyway, I ended up wearing the long brown tiered velour skirt with a brown paisley blouse. After church, we went to Bob Evans, played Khet, and went to a park I hadn't been to and talked. Thenn, we did church again, and went to the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Which let me tell you, is one sad movie. It was a pretty good movie, but there were a few unwholesome parts.

As I have said before, wearing skirts has definitely made me feel more feminine and has made me able to feel more fully like the woman of God I am called to be. This, as well as what I am learning about the importance of sharp distinctions between genders, makes me want to continue wearing skirts or dresses each day. I also want to apply the biblical principles I am learning in So Much More to my own life. I pray that the convictions that are godly and biblical will be strengthened, and I also pray that God will keep me humble. At the beginning of the week, wearing the skirts somehow seemed to make me aware of the humility I should feel before God. As the week has progressed, I have recognized the danger of falling into self-righteousness and judgmentalism. I am prone to both, and pray for forgiveness and for protection against it. What is in my heart is the most important thing to God, and I hope that serving and loving others as I am commanded will help keep me from judging them so easily. I have realized that one reason I would be likely to fall out of the habit of wearing skirts or dresses is out of convenience. Simply because I don't have a skirt clean that seems to match anything else I have clean. Therefore, I need to make sure I keep up with my laundry(and I'd like to get a couple more skirts) because having nothing to wear is a terrible reason to stop doing something that I believe strongly in. I would love to talk to young ladies who share my views on these issues, so if you are reading this and would like to have someone to discuss things with, my email address is kalinab@verizon.net. I'm sure I will post more on the topic of femininity, but that is it for my week-long challenge. :-) I did it!

Day 5

Today, I went to the insurance office with Dad. Then, I went out to lunch with Rob and a couple he knows from college. We went to Penney's with them, and then Rob brought me home. Since then, I've been talking and reading my book. I feel like I'm learning so much about what the Bible says about my role as a woman and the way I'm supposed to relate to men. This morning, I quickly pulled on a pair of pants for a few moments until my skirt was done in the dryer. After wearing skirts and thinking about how feminine they make me appear, I didn't like how it felt. I'm rather tired, so I think I may go to bed now.